The Clovie
by Kotasweet33
Summary: We've seen what happened from the POVs of our heroes, but what about the gang from 'Seinfeld? Seinfeld/Cloverfield crossover fic.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: OK. So this came from two sources: One, a completely hilarious (sp?) thread on IMDB about what happened to the Seinfeld characters during the movie (Whoever started that thread, giving credit to you now). And two, because I've pretty much gotten back into watching it again. I'm even watching 'The Soup Nazi' while typing this :) As usual, I don't own any of the characters, they belong to whoever created them. I'm also unsure of whether to continue this or just leave it a one-shot.  
**

* * *

'That was brutal!' George Costanza said to his friends, Jerry Seinfeld, Elaine Benes and Cosmo Kramer, as they entered Monk's Café for the first time in several months, they had been arrested and thrown in jail for just breaking 'The Good Samaritan Law'.

'I still can't believe we were in jail,' Elaine said, tapping her fingers on the counter.

'Well, I still don't believe why you all didn't that big splash last month, who knows when that could come into play?' Kramer said.

'Why are you making such a big deal over that?' George asked annoyed.

'Who knows, let's just get sit down,' Jerry insisted. The group sat down at their old, regular table and a cute, red-headed waitress walked to them.

'Hi! I'm Shelley and I'm so glad you're here tonight! Mainly because I'm missing my cousin Rob's going-away party to work here tonight…I need the extra money,' the perky waitress said, walking away. She eyed the group one more time before entering the kitchen.

'Did you see that?! She totally gave me the eye!' George exclaimed.

'She didn't give you 'the eye' George,' Elaine said.

'Well she could've given any of us the eye, there's a twenty-five percent it could've George, but there's a seventy-five percent chance it could've been the rest of us,' Jerry explained. Shelley returned and grabbed a pen and drew a line on her notepad.

'So what it'll be folks?' Shelley asked.

'We'll take our regulars,' Kramer said.

'I only started this job a week ago, I wouldn't know your regulars Mister,' Shelley said.

'Well, I'd be more then happy to let you know Shelley,' George said; winking at Shelley.

'Excuse me Mister, but why did you just wink at me?' Shelley asked aghast.

'Wink? What are you talking about?'

'You just winked at me a moment ago,'

'Oh that? Yeah…I just got a piece of fruit stuck in my eye before coming here,'

'Which fruit exactly?'

'…Lemon?'

'Very funny Mister, but I **want **to get your orders now,' Shelley said, obviously irritated. Suddenly, a loud rumbling came. The restaurant started to shake.

'What's going on?' Elaine asked. The rumbling got stronger and the power went off.

'We need to get out of here!' George shouted. The group quickly gathered their stuff and ran out.

'Wait! What about Shelley?' Kramer said as the rumblings continued to grow.

'We can't go back for some waitress!' Jerry shouted.

'I can't hear what you're talking about!' Elaine shouted.

'I'll help Kramer!' George said, he and Kramer charged back into Monk's to rescue the waitress from possible death.

'What are they going back in there for?' Elaine asked Jerry.

'They want to bring that Shelley girl with us when we get out of here,' Jerry explained, just as Kramer and George came out of the restaurant with the young woman in tow.

'Thank you so much for having your friends save me Jerry!' Shelley shouted.

'It's no problem, but we need to get out of here!' Jerry demanded.

'Wait…it stopped…the rumbling stopped,' Elaine said.

'What was _**that**_?' George asked.

'Maybe it was a tremor?' Kramer suggested.

'A tremor in Manhattan? Who's ever heard of that?' Jerry asked.

'Maybe an earthquake?' Elaine also suggested.

'Yeah, I did hear that New York was one of the most geographically altered states or something like that, maybe this was Mother Nature's way of telling us "Screw You!"?' Shelley said.

'Whatever, earthquake, tremor, it's all the same thing! Let's just find cover somewhere,' Jerry said.

'Let's go to my parents' house, they probably don't even know what's going on!' George suggested, the others nodded and began to run towards the home of Frank and Estelle Costanza.


	2. Chapter 2

'People ARE already resorting to cannibalism?!" George shouted, he saw five people, three girls and two guys, eating his parents.

'Who are you people?' Elaine asked.

'Hello! I'm Rachel Green, and since the monster is going to kill us all. Me and my friends were starved and killed and we're eating this folks,' the first woman explained.

'There's no monster! It was just an earthquake!' George exclaimed.

'Yeah, you sick freaks are eating PEOPLE! There are LAWS against that!' Shelley shouted at the freaks.

'But we were hungry!' one of the male cannibals shouted.

'Come on guys, let's leave these freaks alone and mourn for Mr. & Mrs. Costanza elsewhere!' Shelley demanded, she dragged Jerry, Kramer and Elaine with her while George simply followed her.

* * *

'So where are we going to hide now?' Jerry asked.

'I still think we should've gone to that Barney's store back there,' Elaine whined.

'We could've of, if it wasn't for that mean girl. Claire or whatever her name was,' Kramer said.

'My feet are really sore! Can we find someplace to hide soon please?' Shelley asked.

'Hey…is that what those freaks were talking about before?' George said, he pointed upwards, at some kind of…large monster.

'Hey, your right Georgie boy; there's a monster…and something heading our way!' Kramer agreed, the group ran out of the way as the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty crash landed in the street way.

'That bastard! He killed the Statue of Liberty!' Jerry said.

'This cannot just be a simple monster. There has to be another explanation for this,' Shelley denied.

'It didn't look like anyone was controlling it,'

'It could have someone operating inside of it, like those transformers from that movie,'

'We don't know Shelley, I don't think any of us got a good enough of a look at the thing,' Jerry said, he looked and saw more New Yorkers running from the destruction.

'The monster…is eating people,' Elaine said as blood splashed on her and Kramer.

'I'll tell you what, we should be getting to a TV, seeing the news reports about this,' Kramer suggested, wiping blood from his eyes.

'I second Kramer's notion,' Shelley said.

'I agree, let's get to that Radio-Shack!' George insisted, he grabbed Shelley and Kramer and ran down the block; leaving Jerry and Elaine alone.

'…Do you ever notice how much George likes that girl?' Elaine asked Jerry.

'Do you even know George?' Jerry responded.

* * *

'Why are we going here again?' Elaine asked as she and the others walked on the Brooklyn Bridge…with just about at least half of Manhattan.

'Well, this is one of the only ways to get out,' George said.

'And that big robot can't go in water…its circuits will fry otherwise,' Shelley said.

'Again with the robot and transformers,' Jerry muttered under his breath.

'Always with the transformers,' Elaine also muttered.

'Hey…I think…Oh my god! My cousin Jason is up there!' Shelley exclaimed. She tried waving and shouting to this cousin of hers.

'I thought your cousin's name was Rob?' Elaine asked.

'I have two, named Rob and Jason,' Shelley answered. Suddenly a large tail, you know it was from the monster, whipped and snapped the bridge in half.

'RUN!' Jerry shouted. He, Elaine and Kramer ran for their lives. Shelley screamed as she fell ever closer to the river. George ran after Shelley.

'SHELLEY, I'M COMING TO RESCUE YOU!' George shouted before Kramer grabbed him and pulled him back with the group.

'She's done for George! We can find another pretty face for you to crush on once we get back to surface!' Kramer exclaimed as she he followed Jerry and Elaine's lead.

'…I guess you're right,' George said as he limply followed his friend.

* * *

'Oh, now THAT was brutal!' Elaine gasped as she panted for breath.

'I guess Shelley was wrong, it wasn't a transformer after all, just a actual monster,' George said.

'George, you'll be alright. Another pretty little redhead will come soon enough!' Kramer consoled. A loud scream sounded out; the group turned and saw a woman, wearing a large, poofy blue green dress, running towards them.

'Oh would someone please help me? My name is Giselle and this most foul creature has eaten my true love whole!' she shouted.

'…Well, what would you know?' George smirked.

'You…you're the comedian Jerry Seinfeld that I saw on TV?' Giselle asked Jerry.

'Yes, and you are a…redhead woman named Giselle?'

'Indeed Jerry Seinfeld, I was on a 'date' with my one true love Robert and this horrifying creature attacked and ate him whole along with several other people. He probably would've eaten me as well if Robert hadn't advised me to run away,' Giselle explained.

'Well, Giselle, you can join me and my friend, Elaine, George and Kramer. We're trying to get out of here as well,' Jerry advised.

'Oh thank you oh so much Jerry Seinfeld, Elaine, George and Kramer!' Giselle exclaimed joyfully, clapping her hands cheerfully.

'Maybe we should go to the army base?' Jerry suggested. Elaine jumped, as she had formed an idea.

'I think I know someone who can help us…follow me boys and Giselle,' Elaine said, leading the others to elsewhere.

* * *

**A/N: Eep. I decided to continue the story, simply after reading the review the first chapter got. It gave me quite a few plot bunnies to think over. And more characters from different WILL show up, as this story is only getting started.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in forever! I will update more often since it's summer and no school for almost two months :D**

* * *

'Do you know anything about the monster miss?' Giselle asked an older blonde woman, the others groaned, seeing as Giselle had been literally asking every person she encountered for information about whatever was attacking the city.

'No, no I do not…say, is that comedian Jerry Seinfeld?' the woman asked.

'Yes it is comedian Jerry Seinfeld,' Elaine said, Jerry gave a quick, incredulous look at Elaine before the woman embraced him.

'Well, comedian Jerry Seinfeld, I'm Samantha Jones and I'm just a huge, _huge_ fan of your work,' she said, raising an eyebrow towards Jerry.

'Comedian Jerry Seinfeld wants for us to keep moving!' George exclaimed frustrated.

'How do you know what comedian Jerry Seinfeld wants?' Samantha asked.

'Because comedian Jerry Seinfeld doesn't want to die just because he's wasting his time talking to Samantha Jones,' George insisted. Samantha rolled her eyes and began to stomp away in her heels.

'He wasn't sponge-worthy anyways…and I need to find the girls' bodies,' Samantha muttered before Jerry's group continued marching.

'Where are we going now?' Kramer asked Jerry.

'I don't know…maybe go see if there's any evacuation going on?' George suggested.

'There's not going to be any evacuation, the army can't get here that fast!' Kramer disputed just as a series of army tanks drove past them.

'Then why did those tanks just pass us Kramer? The army IS here and they are probably sending solders to save us all!' George shouted.

'Stop fighting Cosmo and George! You are tearing each other apart when we should be looking for a majestic place to hide!' Giselle said; she held the two apart as the monster roared loudly.

'…At least we know it's alive,' Jerry said.

'Jerry! We can be alive at that mall over there!' Elaine interjected, pointing in glee.

'Well, giddy yup!' Kramer said.

* * *

'What have they done to this place?' Elaine asked Jerry as they looked around, the mall had been transformed into a hospital of sorts.

'See, I told ya Kramer, the army is here!' George exclaimed. Jerry looked and saw a familiar face and smirked.

'Hello Newman,' Jerry said, indeed Newman, Jerry's postal office-employed neighbor was on a cot, sitting next to a passed out blonde girl.

'Hello Jerry, I just came here because I found this girl after she had been bitten thrice by a spider-like parasite creature,' Newman said, the girl woke up, blood came out of her eye and nose sockets.

'…Where's Blair?' she asked.

'We have another bite!' a nurse shouted, the group was pushed out of the way as various solders grabbed the victim.

'Narmen! Narmen! Tell everyone that I, Serena, was Gossip Girl!' she screamed as they took her behind closed doors.

'I gotta get a look at this,' Kramer said, he ran after the solders.

'That is so kind of you, Newman, to save another human being like that,' Giselle said.

'Well, one of my goals in life was to save another person from death, and now I can relax, relax knowing that I've finally achieved that goal,' Newman said, Giselle nodded, listening to his every word.

'Well Georgie Boy, your ship has sailed,' Jerry said to George.

'I never had a ship with Giselle, I had one with Shelley before she died, but not really with Giselle,' George explained. Suddenly, Kramer stumbled out of the doors, covered in blood.

'Oh my god, what happened Kramer?' Elaine asked as Kramer tried to wipe all the blood off on other beds.

'Well, I was just following them, until the girl started expanding in front of our very eyes! I went in for a closer look, and then the girl exploded and blood went flying!' Kramer explained.

'She exploded? GET OUT!' Elaine shouted, pushing Kramer down.

'How can blood fly? Blood is just blood, it can't fly,' Jerry said.

'Oh, blood flew, blood flew right all over me and the solders,' Kramer said.

'We have another bite!' the same nurse shouted, the group looked as more solders grabbed a pale brunette girl and dragged her, kicking and screaming.

'What is that girl screaming?' Jerry asked.

'I think its thud,' Kramer said.

'Oh no, it's definitely hug,' Elaine insisted.

'Why would someone shout hug? Of all the things to shout when you're being dragged away why would you shout hug?' Jerry asked.

'She might have a boyfriend whom she wants to hug before she dies?' George suggested.

'If her boyfriend is letting her be dragged away, why does she want a hug?' Jerry asked.

'Maybe she wants a hug in general, like a "sorry, you're going to die, do you want a hug beforehand?"' Kramer said.

'I wouldn't put it past that,' Elaine said.


	4. Chapter 4

'Why couldn't we have stayed at the base?' George asked Kramer and Jerry with anger. The four friends wondered the ravaged city, as they tried to find a way out. Sure enough, all they found was the destruction of the monster attacking the city.

'Well, after that girl Newman saved exploded, I didn't want to take any chances, we don't even know if she really exploded or if Kramer was making it all up,' Jerry said.

'I'm telling you Jerry, I saw that girl explode in front of my eyes!' Kramer exclaimed, Elaine sat down on the ground and took her shoes off.

'My feet are _killing_ me, can we please stop somewhere?' Elaine whined, she kicked her left foot with the shoe.

'We can't just sit out here, Superman can't save us now Elaine,' Jerry said.

'I have a blister Jerry, a blister on my foot,'

'Big deal, my mom had a huge blister on her foot and she kept on running, now get up,' Elaine growled at Jerry as she put her shoes back on and stood up.

'We're going back to the army, we've been wondering for almost an hour,' Elaine declared.

'Weren't we trying to **avoid** the army?' George asked.

'They could be our way for escape, I am going back there, come on guys,' Elaine said.

'…Fine! But this better be worth while!' Jerry grunted.

'What's the worst that can happen?' George said.

* * *

'There's a helicopter!' Kramer said, pointing to the first of a few helicopters operated by the army.

'I told you all we'd be saved,' Elaine said cockily, the group ran towards it and opened the door to see Giselle, Newman, and a few solders.

'Hello Newman,' Jerry said in monotone.

'You four again, stay away from me!' Giselle exclaimed.

'What did we do wrong? I thought we didn't have to stay away from you,' George said.

'You four are completely awful! Newman told me about your little _contest_,' Giselle growled.

'…The contest?' George said.

'Why would you four do something as awful as a contest? Where I come from, we hold the leases to our domains!' Giselle shouted.

'Can't we work this out? The contest was a long time ago, surely there must some kind of middle ground in all of this,' Giselle furthered her eyebrows in anger and walked closer to George.

'And you: you are the worst of them all: where I come from, we would never buy paper that would poison and kill our true loves, only the wicked Queen Narissa would dare to do such a thing!' Giselle screamed.

'Giselle, honey, I didn't know the envelopes were po-'George started before Giselle punched him, he stumbled down and more solders pushed the four away, a young black girl walked in the helicopter and the door was slammed shut.

'…You just had to wreck our chances, didn't you?!' Jerry shouted at George.

'Me? Just because of the contest? You're the one who technically won it!' George argued.

'I thought you won it George,' Elaine said.

'No, he cheated, Jerry won it,' Kramer assured.

'But, the contest was your idea,' Jerry argued.

'And what about poisoning Lily? That wasn't Jerry's fault at all!' Kramer said.

'Kramer, her name was Susan,' Elaine said. A crash sounded out throughout, the group turned and saw a crumpled up tank and, in response, ran to the nearest solder, whom was helping in other people in the second helicopter.

'Officer! Me and my friends need to get into a helicopter A.S.A.P.,' Jerry demanded.

'Well, this one's full, I'll personally drive you all on the last one,' he replied, shutting the door to the second helicopter. Elaine, George and Kramer all cheered while Jerry's face lit up positively.

'We're getting rescued!' Jerry shouted.

'We're gonna live!' Elaine and Kramer cheered in unison.

* * *

'Hey officer, if we're here long enough, will our ears pop when we land?' George asked the solder.

'George, we're surviving a monster attacking us, why would you ask that of all the questions you could ask?' Elaine said.

'That's strange…I'm not getting a signal from the second helicopter,' the officer said, suddenly a large tail whipped the helicopter, sending the helicopter crashing down.

'Elaine, you jinxed us!' Jerry shouted.

'Jinxed? You mean saying we're gonna survive the attack of the monster?' Elaine asked.

'Stop jinxing us!' Kramer shouted.

'SERENITY NOW!' George screamed at the top of his lungs.


	5. Chapter 5

'…Where are we?'

Jerry woke up and looked around, his friends were all unconscious.

'Wake up you guys! Where are we?' Elaine and Kramer started to stir and twitch.

'Why aren't we dead?' Elaine asked.

'Maybe we are dead and this is just purgatory,' Kramer suggested.

'Purgatory? Hell would seem like a more valid suggestion,' Jerry said as George woke up.

'Why aren't we dead?' George asked groggily, he felt his glasses: no cracks.

'I already asked that, we apparently might be in either purgatory or hell,' Elaine said bitterly.

'What about the pilot?' Kramer asked, Jerry looked over and saw the pilot, lying dead in his seat.

'I think he's dead, let's just see where we are,' Jerry said, he opened the helicopter, the door falling off, and stumbled outside. Jerry walked out and saw the other helicopter, the monster, whatever it was, was over it, a man's screams also sounded throughout it.

'Oh my god, the king is dead!' Jerry exclaimed as the others joined him.

'Sweet fancy Moses, what is that thing?' Elaine asked. The monster turned away, marching back towards the destroyed city.

'It looks like…a fish-frog-man-like creature,' Kramer said.

'No, I think it looks like a fish with spider like features and my mother's eyes,' George said.

'What are those planes doing up there?' Jerry also asked, he pointed upwards to the multiple planes dropping what looked like bombs on the city.

'Oh no…they're gonna nuke us!' Elaine shouted, the group ran towards central park and then stopped, next to a tree in front of a bridge.

'This is bad, this is bad,' Kramer mumbled.

'After seeing the monster…I am speechless! My mouth has no speech!' Jerry exclaimed, just then, a mousy redhead girl literally popped up from behind Jerry.

'I've been speechless since yesterday, in fact, my speech was completely removed my mouth,' the girl said, one-upping Jerry.

'…Who are you?' Jerry asked.

'My name is Penelope,' she answered, playing with the ends of her hair.

'We have to find an alternative way of getting out of here,' George said, just as the bridge was blown up by a bomb.

'And fast!' Kramer said. The group ran to the bridge and saw a video camera lying in the rubble along with a few large bile of blocks surrounding scattered in the small area.

'Look guys, a video camera,' Elaine said, picking up the camera just as a brunette girl submerged from a pile.

'Please help me! My friend Rob Hawkins might be dead!' the girl gasped, crying a puddle.

'…Didn't that girl Shelley have a cousin named Rob?' Elaine asked George, turning the camera to him.

'I think so,' George answered.

'Well, I had a cousin named Rob; in fact I have a cousin named Rob and a second cousin named Roberta,' Penelope one-upped.

'Let's see if we can find any other army members,' Jerry said, the group walked off.

'Why aren't you helping me?' the girl screamed, still crying.

'Did you guys hear anything?' Kramer asked.

'I think I heard a few more bombs go off,' George said.

'I heard every single bomb that dropped, including Fat man and Little Boy back in the second world war…so many more bombs then you all,' Penelope one-upped.

'Ok, Penelope, if you are going to continue _one-upping_ everyone, you can just leave and try to fend for yourself!' Elaine said.

'Well, I'll just go off, grow to two hundred feet tall and kill the monster,' Penelope said, the four marched off to the town for help while Penelope literally started growing.

'Yo Yo Ma,' Kramer said as Penelope grew to two hundred feet tall, she stomped into the town and grabbed the monster, she smushed its limbs and tail into a sphere and then squeezed, completely pulverizing the monster to death.

The four stared in disbelief, literally without speech, as Penelope returned to her normal height.

'…Penelope was angry today, my friends,' George said.

* * *

**The End!**


End file.
